I am what some may refer to as an expert in the field of online dating. I can meet someone, fall in love, and have my heart broken in a matter of hours. Thanks to the powers of social networking, I have done just that, and now I’m ready to bestow some tricks of the trade I’ve come across while working on this prosperous endeavor. One of the most crucial steps in any online relationship is the inevitable video date. This stage serves many purposes, but it really just reassures someone that the person on the other side of the screen isn’t some 67 year-old female who’s most recognizable for her stint on Megan’s Law.
Online dating can be a risky enterprise, so follow these tips, and you should be on your way to a FBO relationship in no time.
Step One: Sending the invitation
Asking someone to have a video date is rather easy, but many a twink have managed to mess this simple step up with an inappropriately placed emoticon. The invitation should be cute, but not too cute. It should be funny, but not too funny. Most importantly, it should appear as though the idea for a video date just popped into your head while on your “morning run.” Text the recipient around noon something like, “I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I feel like we’re ready to take the next step in our relationship. Will you video chat me tonight?” What may seem corny at first, this is actually the perfect video date invitation. It’s cute, funny, and it shows that you’re willing to put yourself out there.
Step Two: Cancel all of your appointments for the rest of the day
I don’t care if they’re showing The Breakfast Club in your 4pm psych class. Video dates are almost as stressful as real dates, and there’s no way you’re going to pull this off if you’re running around panicked about the future of Molly Ringwald’s character.
Step Three: The perfect outfit
Video dates are a unique breed of the dating process because the other person usually only sees you from the waist up (unless you’ve opted for the precarious full-body pose on your bed). That means you need to pick out a top that says, “Hey, I’m cute and I used to work at Urban Outfitters,” or a tank that says, “I’m gay.” Either way, accentuate your best assets, and if you don’t have any, well then opt for a tarp. Kidding aside, choose something that you loved to wear about 6 moths ago. It will show just the right amount of style, with a hint of “I don’t care what you think.”
Step Four: The lighting
If you don’t get the lighting in your room just right, you might as well kiss that three-month fb relationship status goodbye. The lighting needs to be subtle. Take a lamp, put it to the left or right side of the computer, and cover it with a sheer piece of fabric. This should provide lighting that would make even the most heinous of creatures look attractive. The fabric-covered lamp is the equivalent of 12:30 am at a bar – just the right amount of haze.
Step Five: The chat
Plan the date for around 9 pm. At 9:07 go online. This is VERY important, so pay attention – DO NOT JUST SEND A VIDEO INVITATION. You must chat the person first, and say something along the lines of “Hey! Sorry, I was talking to my roommate” The beauty of it is that you were actually putting the finishing touches on your hair, and adjusting the lighting accentuate your jaw line. Keep the video chat to around an hour. When video chats get longer than an hour, people get bored and start grabbing for stories to share. This could obviously end horribly, with you revealing a truly embarrassing story about how you spent the larger portion of high school picking your face in the back of the choral room.
Step Six: Post-chat etiquette
End the chat naturally, and wait for a follow-up text. If you don’t receive a text within 15 minutes, don’t panic. The other person is just waiting for your text. Send something nice, but keep it extremely short. Avoid any text that resembles, “You’re even more attractive in video,” or, “I can’t wait until I get to see the real thing :p.” Instead, send something along the lines of, “Goodnight handsome,” and if it’s a girl, well then you’re screwed, because you just spent the last ten minutes reading a blog for women and gay men.